Are You Paying For Lunch?

• Recieve tax return.
• Get the electric feeling that only Lottery winners and snake wranglers experience.
• Come up with a theme tune to hum when spending the “free money” you now own.
• Go on a mad shopping spree through your closest Seven Eleven.
• …Enough gum to last the year.
• Have a night out with the general theme being “Baller”.
• Wake up smelling like a bottlo and a taste in your mouth that can only be likened to battery acid.
• check account.
• $0.06

• Sit down to write a blog post.
• Nothing.
• Find a Derwent pencil (colour - Copper Beach).
• Start ‘sketching’ a portrait of a sea horse.
• Sign it…pretty enthusiastic to sign a sketch but may one day be found by historians.
• Play with iTunes for a while to find the right song to write to.
• Settle on some dubstep remix of Lady Gaga (appalling, but the urgency of the pace will make you write faster).
• Look up paper mache art on Google.
• Wonder whether you could re-create your sketch of a sea horse as a paper mache sculpture.
• Start envisaging a whole exhibition of sea horses using different art mediums. 
• You could even dress as a sea horse on the opening night…yes! that could be great…actually, even better, dress like a sea horse for the rest of your life…a marine art icon!
• Look back at bare screen.
• Lick lips and start writing down your raw creative artistic process.
• Read it back to self.
• Hate it, truly hate it.
• About to delete, but realise you have nothing better to write and unfortunately this is exactly how day 30 went.
• post. 

• Wait at Flinders St station for friend to arrive.
• Cannot avoid watching a cluster of puberty deprived emo’s and their crusty yelps at each other like a scene from a Spanish Soap. 
• Could.not.want.more.attention.
• Asked if you have a cigarette by a lovely couple who probably prefer crack to employment.
• Turn Ipod off so you can tune in to the domestic happening 4 ft from you. 
• Start quietly rooting for the lady with a shopping bag of Jim Beam as you think she is probably right about her other half “never giving a fuck!”.
• Get handed roughly 15 leaflets - 5 about faith, 7 about charity, 3 about local soup kitchens.
• Notice the police around the area have a general air of defeatism.
• Friend turns up.
• Make, what can only be dubbed, a fucking run for it!

• Need to leave the house to catch up with friends.
• Note that it has been some time since you have seen said friends.
• Make a point of looking VERY good as they all have jobs.
• Open wardrobe which has now become a treasure chest of costumes thanks to the inexhaustible amount of themed parties this year.
• Sequins and denim don’t seem appropriate.
• Scour floor for clothing that does not smell or look stained.
• No luck.
• Decide to shower first and then deal with clothing disaster.
• Get out of shower (cold) and return to room.
• Still nothing.
• Check laundry for potential clean clothes.
• Find a pair of underwear, three socks and a festival singlet.
• Look through towel closet in slim hope that you may find some pants at the very least.
• Tears begin to burn your eyes from stress.
• Return to room for third time.
• Desperately try on outfits that only make you look like Aladdin or a strawberry.
• Give up and text friends a flaky excuse about being too busy.
• Sit back down on the couch (dressed as a strawberry).

Tweeting: rupaying4lunch    

• Get text from boy you like.
• Wait 1hr and 15 mins before drafting a reply.
• Write text that is a 5.6 on a scale of ‘casualness.’
• Debate between a full stop and a question mark for a further 15 mins.
• Call at least three friends to run message draft by them.
• Take feedback into account for second draft.
• Delete the ” :P ” because it not only looks desperate but also a little unstable.
• type in an “x”
• Delete the “x”
• Hover over the “x” for a further 10 mins.
• Happy with your final draft.
• Hit “send”.
• Put phone back in pocket and realise it has gained 20 kilos.

• Pat yourself on the back for getting up just before 10am.
• Give yourself a standing ovation for making a breakfast that does not look like wet cat food.
• Have a 5 minute pep talk with yourself in the shower about how productive you are going to be today.
• Allow a 10 minute break during your morning routine to catch up on The Real Housewives.
• 2 hours later, realise that it’s time for your lunch break.
• Sketch out a rough plan of how you will be truly productive in the afternoon.
• Feeling sluggish, you go for a walk around the block to ‘clear your head’.
• Get home and make an afternoon snack to fuel your productivity.
• Too much snacks.
• Feel tired from getting up so early.
• Decide to read a little while you let your food go down. (this makes sense at the time, but really, your not going swimming, there is no need to give yourself an hour to let food go down before you open up your emails.)
• Fall asleep mid sentence into “To Kill a Mockingbird”.
• Wake up a bit wobbly.
• Give yourself half an hour to wake up ‘properly’ so that you will be ‘switched on’ when it comes to being productive.
• Notice that it is 5pm which means that the day is pretty much gone.
• Make a rough plan of how you will be productive tomorrow.
• Realise how busy you will be tomorrow so it is probably better to just take it slow tonight and watch a few movies until 3am and then make your way to bed.
• Wake up tomorrow and Repeat.

• 8 hours until the Lady Gaga concert.
• Diet of protein bars and Red Bull has payed huge dividends.
• Revisit your Gaga mood board that consists of colour swatches, vials of glitter and Frankenstein-esque newspaper mosaics of mutant celebrities wearing dream fashion.
• Decide on a  cyberqueen/futurebitch/animorphdominatrix look.
• Piece together the look with glue gun, steel nails and a blow torch.
• Take outfit in tongs and dunk into a barrel of acid.
• Outfit comes out looking more like Convict-robot/UFO-slave/Monarch-paradise circa 3025.
• Completely wrong, scrap entire look.
• Take #2: fill bath with wax, cigarettes, a road sign and blue food dye.
• Jump in bath for 3 hrs so that the base coat can set.
• Roll in rhinestones, parrot feathers and licorice.
• Success!
• Slip feet into Geisha-from-Pluto heels and head to pre’s with a handful of Gaga CD’s and half a bottle of whiskey.

Tweeting: @rupaying4lunch

• Wake up at 11.30am even though you set your alarm at 9am so you could have a productive day.
• Thank god for ‘snooze’.
• Record amount of ‘snooze’ button hits: 32.
• Drive to 7/11 to buy Cola Mentos because it is a great flavour that is dying out in supermarkets.
• Return home and make the vaguest to-do list.
• To-do list looks familiar, like something out of Eat, Pray, Love.
• Spend a moment to Despise Julia Roberts for being a part of such a self-indulgent film.
• Remind yourself that every film Julia Roberts does is self-indulgent.
• She was great in Notting Hill though…
• Use “coffee breaks” as a method to come across like you are actually doing something.
• Begin sweating after your 8th cup of coffee.
• Collapse from caffeine poisoning.
• Google “caffeine poisoning” but accidently search “caftan postage” because your shaking too much.
• After 3 hrs of scrolling, you add the perfect caftan to your cart.
• Look out fashion, you just ordered the cherry for your summer wardrobe.
• Pass out on keyboard.

• Decide its time to lift your “culture” bar and attend an art exhibition.
• Travel to a run down warehouse.
• Play how-much-wine-can-I-drink-before-doors-open.
• Forced to watch a lecture on how an orange rotates around a basketball. 
• Already feel they are asking too much of you.
• Swallow cynicism and enter exhibition.
• Realise it is performance art and let out an audible groan.
• Groan taken as part of the show as the first part is sound effects and lasers
• One hour down and all you have learnt so far is that anything is art as long as you sell a ticket for 15 dollars.
• Decide that you could do a better job of this after seeing a lady play a ukulele while kicking rubbish around.
• Invite friends to invest interest in your new up coming ‘performance art’ that will include a wheelbarrow of glitter, a blind dog and an uncanny interpretation of a slug menstruating.
• Name it “Untitled No. 47”
• Exclaim that the title refers to humanities reflection upon itself in the state of REM sleep while exclusively orbiting the third moon of Jupiter.
• Pitch the sequel of “Untitled No. 47” that will be performed in the basement of the gallery so that no one can pollute its purity by perceiving it.
• Name it “Existence of an Egg, Sunny Side Down.”
• Evacuated from warehouse due to fire drill.
• Assume it is just part of the show.
• Continue drinking wine on the street.
• Catch taxi to nearest club where you can gloat to others about your ‘high-art’ experience.

• Jerked out of a Game of Thrones trance by buzzing phone.
• Shit! forgot you are meant to be going out.
• Too late to use the old fake-cough-with-nasel-accent.
• Pour a basic “vodka and anything” into a coffee mug and hit the bathroom.
• Blast a song from the latest Ministry album.
• Lather instant tan across any skin that will be visible. 
• Spend 20 minutes studying the alignment of your eyes…are they in proportion?
• Brush teeth followed by a large gulp from mug.
• Tan sets, you look like a sick panda.
• Throw on clothes that you excavate from the bottom of the pile in your bedroom.
• Hope that as they have been at the bottom for days now, they have been well preserved.
• Drown yourself in Duty Free cologne.
• Call taxi and bail out of the house with nothing but a phone and a credit card.

• Blank.

• Wake up at bottom of your stairs with pants down and leaves in your hair.